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Mark Zuckerberg to Release New Internet, Called "The Zuckerweb

MrX

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Interview conducted by Joseph Mamá.


Recently, controversial software magnate, Facebook creator, and lizard man Mark Zuckerberg recently announced to his intention to create a new internet that he plans to call "The Zuckerweb".

Features of the Zuckerweb will include constant GPS tracking, permanent browser history storage (The Zuckerweb is only accessible with the Zuck Browser, which comes pre-installed on every soon-to-be-released Zuckphone and Zuckputer, and cannot be uninstalled), and a direct connection to the pseudoman himself, where he can see everything you do in real-time with the aid of his comically giant TV screen and his cybernetic eyes. When asked why he would do such a thing as bring the Zuckerweb into creation, his eyes turned deathly black and he gave a horrifying screech, allowing the locusts that nest inside his three stomachs to fly out and consume my soul, as they will soon do to Earth's sun.

Newly-uncovered information found in an archaeological site of a primitive peoples wiped out by some unexplained cataclysm suggests that Mark Zuckerburg, or as he has been known over centuries gone by as Har Megiddo, Escheton, Lucifer, and Gotterdammerung, will also be phasing out the need for such outdated methods as electricity to power his Zuckphone, Zuckputers, and the long-awaited Facebook Erection Rating Cock Rings, instead relying on the blood of virgins who have never consumed the flesh of unclean beasts. Public distributors for said virgin blood will be set up in every major city, paid for out of Zuckerberg's own pockets and supplied by his very own Facebook Virgin Farm.

Zuckerweb devices will also be sold on Amazon, owned by Jeff Bezos, friend of Zuckerberg and grandfather of the apocalypse.
 

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